Apatow (Producer) and Segel (Writer/Actor) team up once again to bring audiences to their knees….in laughter with the new romantic comedy “5 Year Engagement”. Apatow and Segel have a history of make us laugh until it’s hard to breathe with the TV show Freeks and Geeks and films like Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Now with “5 Year Engagement” they’re setting their sights on the American ritual of courtship and how it can destroy a relationship.

Tom Solomon (Segel) is an up and coming chef that dreams of owning his own restaurant. Violet Barnes (Emily Blunt) is a student with aspirations of becoming a college professor.  Then at a superhero New Year’s Eve party, with Tom in a pink “Super” bunny costume and Violet dressed as Princess DI, the two exchange a midnight kiss. After that Tom & Violet spend the next year working toward their goals and toward the big question when tom asks her to marry him!

Next is the big engagement party when they are surrounded by their friends and family and begin to plan the nuptials. Now come the problems. Violet who was working toward a position at Berkley, instead lands a job at the University of Michigan. Tom who hasn’t achieved the status of head chef yet agrees to follow Violet to Michigan. He is whipped! Allison Brie (Community) plays Violets stuck up sister Susie, who is so disgusted by Tom’s best friend Alex (Chris Pratt) that she ends up sleeping with him.

So following the move to Michigan, Tom and Violet push back the wedding 2 years, so they can get married back in San Francisco. The delay enables Susie to steal her thunder and get married to Alex first and pop out the first grand kid a month later! All of which is good because 2 of violet’s grandparents, who were looking forward to her and Tom’s event died before it could take place. The eulogies are hilarious!

Tom takes a menial job making sandwiches at a Kosher deli and playing house husband while Violet thrives with her job at U of M. Tom decides to take over the revised wedding planning and just as he sets the new date….BAM!... Violet’s tenure is extended! Tom looks like he was just castrated as he says “I guess we’re staying in Michigan.” Soon Tom make a transformation into a sasquatch looking like mountain man that spends his time hunting with the other house husbands in Michigan.  I will let you know they altered the scene with the kids and the cross bow in the trailer, should have kept it with here saying “I’m Katniss” then shoots Violet in the leg!

Soon what was a wonderful love story has transformed in to a tale of hell (a town in Michigan famous for wrecking relationships!). Now you must be wondering when the date will be???? It is this Friday, when you go see the hilarious new romantic comedy “5 Year Engagement”. I will say there are still numerous laughs in the end of the film that will have you rolling in your seat as the courtship of Tom and Violet goes nuclear in Michigan! 5 Year is loaded with a supporting cast of comedians featuring David Paymer, Kevin Hart, Brian Posehn and Chris Parnell that make this film a laugh riot.

Rated R (Language and Sexual Content)

Running Time 124 minutes

Ok it is official; John Cusack has flown the coop! John is now doing glorified soap opera on the big screen. In his new film, “the Raven”, Cusack plays an older Edgar Allen Poe after he has publish all of his macabre works and is now struggling to make money with reviews in the Baltimore newspaper. Cusack is surrounded by virtual unknowns in the supporting roles, I guess in a backhanded way to make himself look good?

The Raven is a fictitious tale of the final days in Edgar Allen Poe’s life in Baltimore during the 19^th century. Poe, now a drunk on the backside of his accomplished writing career, is stooping to write poems for the paper and romancing a young debutant Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve). Soon dead bodies begin to pile up around the city, all of them killed in way depicted in Poe’s stories. One of his rival critics at the paper is actually cut in half in a re-enactment of the Pit and the Pendulum. The lead detective of the Baltimore police, Det. Fields (Luke Evans), notices the similarities and gets Poe to help with the investigation that turns into a glorified scavenger hunt.

Emily was set to announce her engagement to Poe at her father masquerade ball, when she is abducted by the killer. The killer demands that Poe write about the series of murders in exchange for the safe return of Emily. A cryptic clue is left with every corpse to allow Poe to track down the location where Emily is being held. We see that she is actually in a wooden coffin buried under a floor where the killer lives.

The acting is horrible, the dialogue is WORSE! The pacing of the Raven will have audiences across the country falling into deep comas. After an hour I was volunteering to be the next casualty of the killer, anything to get me out of there.  I am a huge fan of John Cusack, from the early days in 16 Candles, to Better of f Dead and Gross Pointe Blank and then his later work in 1408, Grace is Gone and Martian Child. That being said, I am going to try to forget he is in this film.

Rated R (Violence and Grisly Images)

Running Time 111 minutes

Steve Harvey wrote the book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” where he gave women the playbook on how guys think and date women that is now a major motion picture “Think Like A Man”. Harvey, YOU TRAITOR!!! Director Tim Story (Barbershop) has assembled an all-star cast featuring Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union, Michael Ealy, Taraji P. Henson, Romany Malco and Jerry Ferrara to play out this battle of the sexes.

Dominic (Ealy), Jeremy (Ferrara), Cedric (Hart), Michael (Terrence J), Zeke (Malco) and Bennett (Gary Owen) are a group of friends that like to hang out together, go out to the clubs together, play basketball and discuss how they are doing with the ladies. Zeke is the leader and referred to as the “Dark Knight” as he is always able to pick up the girl at the bar and “close the deal” at the end of the night. Michael is also single, but not by his choice, he can’t keep a girlfriend because he always brings his mom on dates with him! Jerry is in a relationship with his college sweetheart Kristen (Union), but after years living together he just won’t pop the question. Cedric popped that question only to regret it every day since! Dominic, the working stiff, has a crush on a customer at the restaurant where he works, but won’t ask her out because he is just a cook. Bennett, the token Caucasian, and the only happily married father of two in the group.

The ladies team that will be joined by Kristen are Mya (Meagan Good), Candice (Regina Hall) and Lauren (Henson) who are all looking for Mr. Wright. Mya is sick of being used by guys and then they just run off. Candice is a single mom, looking for a husband and a father all in one. Lauren is the customer Dominic is crushing on, but she is looking for the “Blue Chip” boyfriend with a 6 digit paycheck. Soon the girls get wind of this book that will help women land the perfect mate and be able to avoid the games guys play, Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A Woman, Think Like A Man”. Candice runs right out to get a copy for her and her friend Lauren when she runs into an old high school friend Michael. Dominic runs into Lauren while parking cars at the restaurant, she thinks he owns the sports car and smiles so he asks her out. Mya sick of being hit on, is picked up on at a bar by Zeke and they begin to date.

After a few dates and some overdubbed inflection by Harvey, the girls learn they each have a guy that makes up a chapter in the book. Kristen has Jeremy,  the guy that won’t move forward. Lauren learns Dominic is just a cook saving for his own restaurant and is not her corporate equal. Mya is bombarded by Zeke’s advances at every turn only to be shut down and put on a 90 day hold before he can get the “cookie” (Sex). Candice discovers that Michael is a momma’s boy and puts his mom’s needs ahead of all his relationships! The girls use the book to manipulate the guys into acting and doing what they want.

Soon the guys begin to spend all their time discussing the issues with their women which drives the soon to be divorced Cedric crazy! He goes nuts and challenges a group of Amazonians (cameo by Ron Artest) to a pickup game of hoops where they get slaughtered. So when the boys get together next week to celebrated Cedric’s divorce and his coming back out to the ladies, on the way to the strip club, they stop a Michael’s mom’s house only to find that she is reading the book! After skimming a few chapters they learn “the family feud guy” has sold them out and the girls have been playing them! Jeremy announces “This Means War Gentleman”.  The guys get the book, which does wonders for Harvey’s sales, and use it against the women!

All hell breaks loose now and relationships suffer and end. I am not going to tell you how all the carnage comes out, you will need to see it for yourself! I will tell you that I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at Kevin Hart in this , his best performance to date.  The entire cast does a great job, except for Gabrielle Union that just seems like eye candy that comes away weepy. But the film has witty banter and dialogue, killer sound track and the couples share chemistry.

Rated R (Language, Crude Humor, Sexual content)

Running Time: 123 mins.

Disney Nature brings us its annual film to honor Earth Day with a tale of a species on our fragile planet and how they survive on a daily basis. This year we are treated to baby Oscar and his mother and family of primates in the new film “Chimpanzee”. The film is narrated by Disney’s own Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen, who does provide some humor in telling Oscar’s tale, but soon becomes annoying as he drifts into his “toolman persona” as the film progresses.

Disney knows how to grab you, showing a new born chimpanzee in his mother’s arms and letting us know his name is Oscar.  Baby chimps are reliant on their mother’s care and teaching to survive in the dangerous African rainforest for the first few years of their lives. We are introduced to the rest of the group of Chimps that Oscar and his mother Isha call family. The troop of Chimpanzees is lead by Freddy, the elder statesman in the group.

Oscar and his family live in a grove of nuts and trees full of figs. With all this food and wonderful waterfalls, the troop is under constant attack by predators and a rival group of chimps from the other side of the ridge lead by a older chimpanzee named Scar (remember like the Lion King villain). Chimpanzees eat fruit, nuts, foliage and even meat. We see how the chimps use rocks to shell the nuts in order to eat and even little Oscar tries to do it himself, but ends up relying on Isha to prepare the meal so that he can enjoy it. Chimpanzees love figs and will also hunt in an organized fashion to trap and eat spider monkeys.

This surplus of food is too much of a temptation for Scar and his troop to resist and under the cover of a lightning storm they attack Freddy and the family. The group’s sent running in all directions and Oscar is separated from Isha. As a result of Scar’s victory, Oscar has lost his mother and if he is not reunited with her he will surely parish. Chimpanzees thrive during the day, but at night they take to the trees to sleep because the jungle is too dangerous for them with Jaguars looking to make them a meal. This becomes Isha’s fate after being wounded in the battle with Scar and being separated from Oscar. Oscar is now an orphan and an outcast by the rest of his family of chimps. Oscar must now learn “on the job” to find food or hope for a miracle in order for him to survive.

Personally I saw myself begging the cameraman to feed the cute little chimp! It is amazing what Alastair fothergill (Director) and his group of cameramen go through living in the jungle with these chimpanzees for years gathering footage and information on how these primates survive. Treat yourself and the family to a fun time at the local theater and see “Chimpanzee” and find out what happens to little Oscar and his troop of chimps. The film is visually beautiful and fun to watch the chimps, and my only critic is that Tim Allen talks too much, but that is easily overlooked by watching Oscar.

Rated G ( for GO SEE THIS FILM!)

Running Time: 78 mins.

TO THE ARCTIC

BULLY

Bully is the documentary film that center around 4 teenagers from different areas of the country that share a disturbing thing in common they are bullied and abused at school. Director Lee Hirsch used actual footage at the schools and on the bus along with interviews from the surviving kids and the parents of the other children to explain the tragic epidemic kids are dealing with today, bullying.

We are first introduced to David and Tina Long. They live in Murray county Georgia. Tyler their oldest son, after years of being harassed, bullied in school and told by other kids he was “geek, nerd and worthless and should kill himself” , he did. Tyler Long, at the age of 17, hung himself in the closet of his room. The Longs continue to fight bullying in schools and have staged rallies across the country.

Alex is a 12 year old boy that lives in Sioux City Iowa. Alex beat the odds when he was born prematurely only to grow up to be bullied at every turn in school and on the bus.  Alex, who is call “fish face” by most of the kids at school, is a loner and has very few friends and just doesn’t know how to be outgoing. This makes him a target for the bullies. Through hidden camera footage we see a typical day for Alex, as he is stabbed with pencils, punched, pushed down and strangled on the bus. All this is witnessed by the bus driver who does NOTHING!

Kelby, my personal favorite of the film, is a 16 year old girl who lives in Tuttle Oklahoma. Kelby is a lesbian. After she came out and announced it she was shunned by the entire town. She was not only bullied by her peers but the teachers got involved too. She was told that she was not welcome in church or back at school. Instead of her and her family moving away, Kelby stood her ground and fought back so not to let the town bullies win. Way to go Kelby!!!!!

Kids have a breaking point and the kids on the bus in Yazoo county Mississippi found out where Ja’Meya’s was. After be threatened with physical and mental abuse daily on the hour long bus ride to and from school, she took action. Ja’Meya pulled a pistol (her mom’s) out of her book bag and waived it at all the kids who threatened her on the bus. She was wrestled to the ground and then arrested. No one was hurt on the bus. Ja’Meya was charged with numerous felonies and remanded to a juvenile facility to await trial.

Finally was the story of 11 year old Ty Smalley, fun loving child who loved to hunt and was a devoted baseball cardinal fan, also took his own life after being bullied at school. His parents Kirk and Laura Smalley started the “Stand for the Silent Foundation” and continue to tour the country holding rallies for students and their parents to try to put a stop to bullying.

The villain in this film is not the bullies, though they should be smacked around themselves, but in fact it is an assistant principal at East middle School in Sioux City Iowa where Alex goes to school. (I’m sorry but I can’t be nice about this woman) This moronic woman attempts to end peer abuse by having the kids shake hands. When Alex’s parents confront her (after they all saw the footage from his bus ride) she assured them that the busses were safe and that she had ridden on them herself. Then she showed them pictures of her new grandbaby. I wanted to punch her myself.

Teachers, administrators and bus drivers are quick to fall back on their “ace in the hole”; they don’t make enough money to take on anymore of a workload. Bullshit. You chose the field to educate and it is part of that duty to provide a safe environment for kids to learn….ALL KIDS. It would be as easy as getting up from your desk in between classes and just watch the halls. Bus drivers stop the bus and eject the kids causing the problems. Administrators discipline the offenders.  Before you attack me, teachers are not the only ones to blame; “Bully” just makes them the easy target. Parents have an equal hand in this and are just as much to blame. Talk to your kids and find out are they being bullied or are they the offenders. Participate in their education instead of just ignoring them.

Rated PG-13 (Violence, Language)

Running Time: 99 mins.

Curt(Hemsworth) and his 4 college buddies take a weekend break from college and run off in his RV to a secluded cabin in the woods. Curt’s girlfriend Jules (Anna Hutchison) decides to fix up her bookworm friend Dana (Kristen Connolly) with Curt’s teammate Holden (Jesse Williams). The surprise addition to the group is Marty (Fran Kranz), stoner and inventor of the telescoping travel mug bong! This thing is amazing. After meeting up and loading the RV, the group hits to road unknowing exactly what they are in for.

The cabin that Chris thinks his brother purchased is in fact, a booby trapped funhouse set to test groups of kids every year. Deep below the cabin is a fortress full of scientists, engineers and programmers that based upon action of the kids above, plan out an entire horrific scenario for the weekend. The two programmers in charge Sitterson (Richard Jenkins) and Hadley (Bradley Whitford) actually have an office pool on which scenario is picked. They control every move that is made in the cabin.

When the group arrives at the cabin it looks like they rolled on to the Friday the 13^th set. They split into groups and settle into their rooms. After some drinks, marijuana and a quick game of truth or dare, a cellar door pops open! The door triggered by the boys below. The cellar is the area where the scenario is selected as each person examines a different item located there. Chris has an orb puzzle that would have released an army of mermen if Dana hadn’t found this old diary. As Dana read through the diary describing horrible acts of mutilation by this hillbilly family, Marty continued to beg them to stop and end this just before Dana read the Latin phrase that released the hillbilly zombies that are coming to kill them!

Maintenance is the winner with the Hillbilly zombie scenario is applauded downstairs. Then one by one the kids are picked off by the zombie squad. Jules is decapitated; Chris plunges into a canyon after attempting an escape on motor cycle. Marty is dragged out of a window of the cabin just before Holden is murdered with an axe. Dana is the only one left alive and stuck on the boat dock looking face to face with a zombie. The bad guys win? Everyone dies? Nope. Marty appears swinging the travel bong knocking out the zombie. Marty has solved the puzzle that is “The Cabin in the Woods”.

So by know you must be asking what is the secret and why is the command center located under the cabin? Then I would recommend you get out to the theater right away and go see Cabin in the Woods! It is a fresh and possibly the funniest horror film I have ever seen. One of the best scenes is between the caretaker and Sitterson and Hadley on a crazy speakerphone conversation that will crack you up. Also the monsters and zombies are awesome and you will find yourself routing for the next kill to come!

Rated R (Violence, Drugs, Gore, Language)

Running Time: 95 mins.

America’s three favorite idiots have been resurrected from the 60’s and brought into the modern world in the new film “The Three Stooges”.  I knew with the Farrelly brothers (Fever Pitch, Something about Mary) that this was going to be a funny and crazy film. There had been numerous casting incarnations before Peter and Bobby settled on some lesser know comedic actors. Roll call….Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos)….Larry (Sean Hayes) and finally Curley Joe (Will Sasso). The film features a large cast of supporting actors in this modern version of the stooges. I think that the main concern going into the film was how to get a Stooge’s short to fill a 90 minute feature film, and the answer can right away as the Farrelly Bros. made the film into 3 stooges episodes that tied together to make the film.

The Three Stooges begins with an orphanage run by a group of nuns lead by mother superior (Jane Lynch) and her right hand woman sister Mary –Mengele (Larry David) who keeps the kids in line. Suddenly a speeding car makes its way to the front steps of the building just as a duffle bag is thrown from the window. As the car speeds away, sister Mary-Mengele opens the bag to reveal three infants will very familiar hairdos.  The sister is greeted the classic stooge way with a poke to her eyes! The rest of the nuns including Sister Rosemary (Jennifer Hudson), the singing nun, find the boys and think they are little angels. WRONG!

As the boys grow older, they find adoption to be impossibility. Moe is picked by a wealthy couple, the Harters, only to make it about a mile down the road before being returned when he asked to have his 2 brothers brought along. The Harter’s take little Teddy instead leaving Moe to grow into an adult with Larry and Curley at the orphanage.

As the boys get older, the accidents begin to pile up and the medical bills begin to mount and finally the insurance company comes calling and threatens to close the place unless the nuns can raise $830,000 in the next 30 days. All is lost. But the stooges decide to go out into the world and raise the money to save the orphanage. As I said ….ALL IS LOST!

This is where the boys are introduced into the modern world. Curley gets a good look at an I-phone and can’t get it to work holding it up to his eye. In typical stooges fashion the film is loaded with physical humor as they continue to beat on each other. The boys, naive as they are, get caught up in a cheating wife (Sofia Vergara) trying to kill her husband.  She agrees to pay the boys the $830,000 if they do the job, only her husband turns out to be orphanage buddy Teddy (Kirby Heyborne).

The film soon becomes predictable after that and will end just as you expect it to. But I have to admit amidst the nyuk-nyul-nyuk’s and woop-woop-wooping there were some funny gags in the film. As you know (if you follow me on facebook or twitter), I HATE the Jersey Shore. My favorite part of the film, besides Larry David playing a nun, was Moe being cast on the Jersey Shore reality show to beat on the Situation (Mike Sorrentino), JWoww (Jenni Farley) and pulling on Snooki’s (Nicole Polizzi) tongue with a hot poker …if only it was real!!!!! The rest of the laughs are for you to go to the theater and check out for yourself.

Rated PG (Slapstick violence and rude humor)

Running Time:  92 mins.

It’s hard to believe that it all started 13 years ago with a virginity pact, wild parties and a boy having sex with an apple pie. Not much has changed except their ages in the final film in the American Pie franchise, “American Reunion”. The entire cast returns in the roles they debut in over a decade ago, to provide some updates and some closure on their characters. I interviewed Jennifer Coolidge (Stifler’s Mom) a couple of years ago where she broke the news that everyone was coming back for one last film and to finish the “party”. She went on to dish on the fun making the film and the crush she had on Sean William Scott (Stifler, her on-screen son).  So for the past 2 years I have been waiting for this film to hit the big screen….and the it was worth the wait.

Jim (Jason Biggs) and his band geek wife Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are still married and have a son. They are trying to maintain their relationship now having a toddler popping up at the most inopportune times. The film begins with Michelle retreating to the bath after putting the boy to bed, allowing Jim a moment to himself, which means grabbing the sock! Jim still has issues with masturbation as his son showing up just before climax. Jim panics and closes his laptop down on his penis! With his member bleeding from the entrapment, Jim goes into the bathroom where he finds Michelle doing it herself with the hand shower in the tub, all in view of their 2 year old! It is safe to say Jim and Michelle are in a rut. They believe a weekend away at their high school reunion might be just what they need to re-heat the pilot light in their marriage. This will also give Jim an opportunity to get his dad (Eugene Levy), a widower, back in the dating game.

Kevin (Thomas Ian Nichols), the one who started the virginity pact in the original, has become an architect who works from home and house husband to his wife Ellie (Charlene Amoia). Jim calls Kevin to make sure he is going to the reunion, and tells him “Kevin do you know who my favorite Housewife of… is?  YOU!” Kevin has made it a long way since breaking up with his first love Vicky (Tara Reid). Kevin isn’t the only one to make it big, Chris “Oz” Ostreicher, now a star sportscaster in LA and veteran of Dancing with the Stars since graduating and leaving Great Falls MI., is living in California with his cover girl model girlfriend Mia (Katrina Bowden). Oz blows off a Hollywood party to go back to his reunion, Mia in tow. Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) has not been seen by anyone since leaving the country after his last rendezvous with Stifler’s mom (Coolidge) at Jim and Michelle’s wedding.

Steve Stifler, the Stifmeister, is the constant in this group. Stifler, working as an intern in an investment company, is still the same crude, rude and obnoxious guy we have grown to love in all of the previous films. Stifler looking forward to the reunion as another reason to throw a “stifler” party for the gang and get some vag.

All the guys agree to arrive early in order to catch up and trade stories of what they have been up to since leaving their hometown… only no one invites Stifler, who accidentally crashes the get together. As the reunion draws closer and more faces from the past begin to appear in town, things get back to “normal”. After a night of drinking with the guys Jim wakes up on the kitchen floor naked from the waist down, no pie in site (lol).  The guys then decide to go to the lake to relax where Kevin meets up with Vicky and Oz comes face to face with Heather (Mena Suvari) and her new boyfriend a cardiologist named Dr. Ron (Jay Carrington).

After another night of even more drinking, Kevin wakes up next to a naked Vicky, Oz realizes he is still in love with Heather, Stifler strikes out trying to land a high school chick after discussing the Twilight series of books. Jim, in his normal fashion, winds up with his 16 year old next door neighbor, drunk and naked in his car as he tries to get her into her house without her parents finding out and getting caught by his wife! The reunion is actually the calmest part of the film, after seeing Stifler trashing some jet skis, defecating in a jock’s cooler of beer and being used sexually by a former flame that got away in high school. Steve Stifler does finally has his revenge on Paul”shit break” Finch for sleeping with his mom though! The best thing in the film happens at Stifler’s party when Jim’s Dad, drunk from doing shots with Steve, meets up with his mom! YES Jim’s Dad and Stifler’s Mom…13 years we have been waiting for it!

American Reunion is hilarious! Even the minor characters like Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth), Jessica (Natasha Lyonne), Sherman (Chris Owen) and even the milf guy (John Cho) all are there to finish the series. Everything is just right about this reunion, the people, the story and mostly the music. They have a great soundtrack mixing in songs from the original film when the characters are reunited at the reunion. Jim is even treated to his famous you tube clip in the new film, although he thought he got them all off of the internet! I hope that American Reunion kick starts Tara Reid’s career again as she looks fantastic in this film. I don’t have the time or space in this review to tell you all the high jinks and hilarity that happens in American Reunion, you must go see it for yourself.

Rated R (Nudity, Language, Sexual Themes)

Running Time: 113 mins.

Clash of the Titans was one of the worst 3D films (both visually and content wise) that I saw in 2010 so understandably I was not really excited to revisit the mythological Greek Gods in Wrath of the Titans. Sam Worthington is back as Perseus,  the half-son of Zeus (Liam Neeson)along his wicked uncle Hades played by Ralph Fiennes. Only this time they filmed Wrath in 3D, instead of converting it as they did with Clash of the Titans which provides with much more exciting and breathe taking 3D visuals.

Wrath of the Titans takes place 10 years after Perseus has slayed the Kraken, where he is a widower raising his son Helius (John Bell) in a small fishing village. People have stopped praying to the Gods and in return the Gods are losing their powers and some have even died. The Titans, bad ass creatures like the chimera (a 2 headed dog like creature) and makhai (2 warriors joined at the hip wielding swords) have escaped Tartarus, a prison set up by the Gods to hold them along with their leader Kronos, father of Zeus, Hades and Poseidon(Danny Huston), who was imprisoned by Zeus before he could destroy the human race.

Zeus and Poseidon travel down to the Underworld to meet with his brother Hades and his other son Ares (Edgar Ramirez), the god of war, to see how the prison is holding up. This is when Zeus is double crossed by Hades, he still has a bone to pick with Zeus about the banishment thing, who has joined an alliance with Ares to steal the rest of Zeus’ power and free Kronos. In return Kronos has promised Hades and Ares to remain as the only Gods left in Olympus and the ability to rule over whatever is left after Kronos has his way with the humans.

Poseidon manages to escape in time to alert Perseus of his father’s capture and the quest he must take in order to defeat Kronos. Poseidon give Perseus his trident, when put together with Hades pitch fork and Zeus’ lightning bolt form the spear of Triam, the only thing that can destroy Kronos, and instructs him to find his son Agenor (Toby Kebbell) give him the trident and he will help in the quest. Poseidon then turns to dust.

Agenor, a demi-God and petty thief, is being held by Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike). Persius, informs Andromeda of the mission ahead she agrees to join in and her army will hold the Titans at bay until they can kill Kronos. The journey will take the crew to mysterious islands in habited by Cyclopes and end up in the underworld and a “killer” maze that leads to Tartarus.

Wrath of the Titans corrects all the acreages errors that occurred in the prior film, mainly more action and great 3D effects. It was a fun film and worth the money to see in the theater in 3D. I would have liked more information of what happened to Perseus’ wife and the 10 year span, but the rest of the film makes up for the lapse.

Rated PG-13 (Violence)

Running Time: 99 mins.

Doug Glatt (Sean William Scott) is a simple and very polite man. Doug is the odd ball of his very uptight family, they are all doctors, but Doug just didn’t have the smarts for it. Doug makes his way as a bouncer for a local bar and hangs out with best pal Ryan (Jay Baruchel) who does a local access hockey show. Doug and Ryan hang out at local minor league games getting footage, fight footage, for Ryan’s show.

It was at one of these games when Ryan antagonizes a player from the other team and has him climb into the stands to kick Ryan’s butt. Doug steps in and beats the player mercilessly. Glatt even head butts the guy splitting the player’s helmet and knocking the guy out. Glatt got a standing ovation and a call from the co9ach of the Orange town Assassins the next morning!

Doug is a fan but far from a player. Glatt shows up for the try out in figure skates wobbling around, falling in front of the team at center ice. Everyone burst into laughter ridiculing him before he shows his real talent, when Glatt beats 4 of them unconscious! Glatt is the team “goon”, the player brought in just to fight. Coach Hortense (Nicholas Campbell) works with Doug and gets him to be a very good skater so he can chase down his prey in order to beat them up.  But Doug being Doug he is the most polite fighter in the league, thanking the player and telling the good job if they were awake to hear it after he pummeled them.

Word about Doug gets around and he is traded to the Halifax Highlanders, where he can protect their scoring leader Xavier Laflamme (Marc-Andre’ Grondin) who was knocked out 2 weeks from a check from the league enforcer Ross Rhea (Liev Schreiber). Doug also finds a girl, Eva (Alison Pill), a local girl who has a thing for hockey players. Doug’s team-first attitude begins to turn the highlanders around. They go from a winless group of misfits made up of a couple of prankster Russians, a goalie that lives with his mother and can’t stop a beach ball and an Asian left winger that is studying to be a doctor! Maybe Glatt’s dad (Eugene Levy) should adopt him!

GOON really hits home when Ryan brings Doug’s family up to watch a game in which Doug scores his first goal and the Highlanders win. Doug takes all of them out to his favorite restaurant and presents them with his game puck, only to have his father  tell him he wasting his time on a dangerous hobby and taking the family home leaving the puck on the table with Doug’s broken heart. This doesn’t dissuade Glatt who has finally found his place and has the Highlanders vying for a playoff spot and goal scoring sensation Laflamme beginning to put the puck in the net again!

GOON is hilarious and a must see for any fan of Hockey or sports films in general.  I will warn you that it isn’t for the squeamish, the blood will flow and the teeth will fly as Glatt fights his way to the top and a battle with Rhea that serves as a passing of the torch in the league. There is one game in the film where the Highlanders must win to go to the playoffs,. There is 25 seconds left and the goalie falls down and Doug slides in and takes a puck straight to the face!

Rated R (Violence, Language, Drug Use)

Running Time: 92 mins

I was just like everyone who saw the title of this film “Salmon Fishing in Yemen”, thinking there is no possible way that the concept or this film is going to work.  Ewan McGregor, who plays Dr. Alfred Jones a fisheries expert, also shares the opinion in the film.

“Salmon Fishing in Yemen” is the tale of a billionaire Sheik in the Middle East that has a passion for fly fishing for salmon while vacationing at his estate in England and wants to bring it back home to Yemen. Sheikh Muhammed’s (Amr Waked) idea is twofold, while he can bring an excellent sport/hobby to the Middle East, he can also provide agricultural needs to a barren region of his country and help feed his people.

So the Sheik instructs his British liaison Harriet (Emily Blunt) to take a meeting with an authority on fish to see if it is possible to proceed with this project.  Great Britain is looking for any positive spin in the Middle East with the war in Afghanistan going poorly, so Parliament “encourages” the British authority in fisheries, Dr. Alfred Jones to meet with Harriet and test the feasibility of spawning salmon in a region that is mostly made up of desert regions. Dr. Jones explains how salmon are the most difficult fish to breed in normal conditions and it would take the world’s best scientific minds in Tokyo, special helicopters in Russia, 10 million salmon from the waters of Great Britain and about $50 billion dollars to come close to accomplishing this joke.

Patricia Maxwell, the prime minister’s press secretary, informs Dr. Jones that he can proceed with the salmon project or proceed to the unemployment line. Jones and Harriet take a meeting with Sheik Muhammed at his estate where Dr. Jones is able to fish and bond with the sheik and he tells him that if he can coordinate the damn and the Tokyo scientists, choppers, fish and cash then he and Harriet will oversee the project.

The Sheik throwing money around won’t complete this endeavor. There are stumbling blocks on both sides of the “fence’ with radicals trying to kill the sheik, believing he is embracing  the beliefs of the enemy and the British fisherman who begin to revolt at the thought of losing 10 million salmon from English waters to die in Yemen. Dr. Jones solves both issues with a quick snap of his rod and reel (you must see it to believe it). The group is forced to use farm raised salmon to stock the new fishery in Yemen and all the conditions are perfect, but will the Salmon run (swim upstream to spawn)?

To find out if the fish story comes true you will need to get out to the theater a cast a line for yourself!

Rated PG-13 (Language, Violence)

Running Time: 107 mins.

Paul Dano is Nick Flynn, a boy who came from a broken home where his mother (Julianne Moore) struggled to raise him until she decided to take her life. Nick’s dad, Jonathan (DeNiro) when not in jail was never around and hasn’t seen Nick in 14 years. Jonathan is an excellent writer, self admittedly, and uses that to pen letter after letter to Nick in a sort of absentee parental duty.

Nick as an adult had no direction in his life; he couldn’t stay in a job or in a relationship, struggling to be a writer like his so called father. After being kicked out by another girl, Nick finds a place with a couple of roommates in an abandoned strip club. Nick soon finds Denise (Olivia Thurlby) who provides some stability and a job at the local homeless shelter so that he may finally find out who he is.

While Nick is navigating the big city, Jonathan does the same thing only in a cab. Jonathan is an alcoholic cab driver who has moments of uncontrollable rage that lead him to losing his apartment after taking a baseball bat to one of his neighbors. This forces Jonathan to reach out to his long lost son to help him move his things to storage before he loses them.

Nick and his roommates help his dad, and before Nick can strike up the awkward conversation, Jonathan is off to work in his cab that will also be doubling as his house for the time being.  After a few sleepless nights and quite a few bottles of vodka, Jonathan wrecks his cab and is now out of job and struggling with the other homeless on the streets of New York. DeNiro shows the dangers in living on the streets from not just the criminals but also the elements as he takes refuge on the heating vents at the public library to keep warm.

It isn’t long before Jonathan stumbles into the shelter where Nick and Denise work.  What starts off as uncomfortable for Nick soon morphs into unbearable, as Jonathan starts up with his same ol lies about just staying a few days and going to Florida to live with a friend. Soon Jonathan spirals into the angry drunk he is and becomes combative with everyone including Nick, and is barred and forced back on the streets.

I am a huge DeNiro fan and make it my business not to miss any of his films. Being Fynn  is one of his good ones! The film is based on the title character Nick Flynn’s own memoirs “Another Bullshit Night in Suck City” and is an entertaining story on the stuggles of family. Dano and DeNiro are dysfunctional and amazing in the roles they play in this film that should not be missed. I’m not going to spoil the end, but to say that it all gets wrapped up in the end after set backs by both Nick and Jonathan and the question of Jonathan’s writing ability is answered.

Rated R (Drugs, Language, Brief Nudity)

Running Time: 102 mins.

The CIA is at it again! In the new film “Safe House”, Denzel Washington stars as Tobin Frost, a CIA agent who went off the grid and was believed to be selling “secrets” to terrorist, who just strolls into the US Embassy in Cape Town South Africa to avoid a team of killers closing in on him. The Agency immediately moves him to a local safe house until a team can arrive to extract him.

The safe house is manned by a lone agent named Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds) , a rookie agent that aspires to get into the field and out of the hell hole assignment in South Africa. Nothing happens in the safe house, he throws a tennis ball against the wall and works out. That is until Tobin Frost is brought in. As the team begins the interrogation of Frost, the kill squad storms the safe house! How did they find it and why do they want Frost in a body bag?

I will give you one of the answers, Frost met with a rogue MI6 agent and bought a micro chip that held file of information that Tobin can sell for millions on the open market. Frost takes it into the rest room and injects it into his leg. Then as Frost makes his way around Cape Town, people begin to die and bullets are buzzing like bees everywhere he goes. This leads him to the embassy and eventually to Weston and the safe house. After they kill every CIA agent that brought Frost in, Weston and frost slip out the back door and into a vehicle to get away.

Weston calls in to Langley, CIA headquarters and get instruction to meet the next team at another safe house outside town and get Frost there and wait. Barlow and Linklater (Brendan Gleeson and Vera Farmiga) the division chiefs are dispatch to supervise the situation personally! The question then begins to build, how are the killers getting the information they have and were able to infiltrate the safe house?

Must be a mole in the CIA……but who is it? Will Frost and Weston solve this “killer” puzzle before they take one in the head? Safe House is load with action, killing slobber knocker fights and great car chases. The way they edited the film will have you on the edge of you seat gasping for air until you finally figure out just what is exactly going on….then the credits roll!!!!

Rated R (Violence, Language)

Running Time: 115 mins